Praise and glory always be to the God of my life.
In my recent quest to become more like what God created I noticed that this blog can’t just be about single parenting because that is not all I am. with that said here we go………..
WOW!!!!!!!! I just went to a revival my church was having and was so inspired to continue being a living testimony. I have to admit before going I was at such a low in my life that if I didn’t have my daughter I most likely would have committed suicide spiritually if not naturally. I was truly at the point where I believed life was not worth living and just wanted Jesus to come back already. I justified my depression in my mind by telling myself it is natural to prefer heaven over living this life full of hurt. Knowing that I have a son in RTC (Residential Treatment Care) in another state and a daughter who I am was now afraid to parent. Not just afraid but not sure I even had what it takes……I felt alone and as though no one understood what I was feeling
God allowed me to understand so much more of what he was doing and the plan ahead. We get so caught up in the now that sometimes we can’t see the current struggle is only preparation for a brighter future (a form of reaping and sewing if you will). Working out the kinks so we can be used…allowing God to mold us into a functional vessel. A lot of the time we are exposed to so much sin and hurt that we need to allow the father the mold us back into what he create so he can use us for our original purpose.
We as Christians have to come to a point where we can bury our hurt and understand being comfortable in our misery is not what the Lord wants for our lives. Instead of accepting struggle as our life baseline why not fight to change that which has wounded us? Or use it to help someone else not have to endure the same tough road if they can. I have learned to change my mind about the current state it’s in…… I am uncomfortable and my children are unhappy, but this is not what what is meant by we are to suffer persecution. If I had allowed the Lord to deliver me from strong holds and generational curses I could have saved my children from having to bare the cross of molestation, insecurity, low self esteem, anger, depression, and narcissism to name a few. No, I had a certain love for my struggles…..no one understood but me…….and I was too lazy to put in the work to be delivered. The Lord told his disciples that certain things can only be delivered through fasting and prayer. I wanted to cry, tarry, and be emotion with my cross instead of allow the Lord carry it for me as he said he would.
So, for now I am ready to stop being lazy and in love with my misery. I will fast and pray while living victoriously in my mind and allow liberty to flow through my heart, in Jesus name.
Love and blessings to you all.